Couples

Reading time - 10mins Can Mindfulness & Psychotherapy go together? In this month's article I will be outlining some of the principles of mindfulness and psychotherapy and how they go hand in hand in the healing arts. We will take a look at some philosophical foundations that align within the principles of mindfulness and psychotherapy. We will also take a look at five ways that I integrate mindfulness into a therapy session. Mindfulness  Mindfulness is the ancient art of paying attention in the present moment to what is. This practice brings awareness to our mental, emotional, physical and relational life and transforms suffering through insight & compassion. We can [...]

I’m often guided in my seasonal blog, by themes that are presenting in my work, and perhaps one of the most pervasive experiences for people seeking therapy includes living with a harsh internalised judge. The ‘inner critic’. Much is already know about the inner critic through research and psychology, and it clearly crosses a spectrum from a motivating, supportive voice - “you can improve here” - to outright shaming and self-loathing - “you’re so useless, I hate you!”. Typically, the functional goals of the inner critic can be considered important for our lives. Our critic is designed to keep us safe, physically and psychologically, and help us feel motivated and [...]

Recently, I’ve been working regularly with clients and their experience with unhealthy anger. It’s not an uncommon presentation in therapy of course, and sadly can be a destructive life force for individuals and families. Before we jump down too many rabbit holes, It’s a good moment to quickly recap on the difference between healthy and unhealthy anger. Healthy anger is a primary emotion and supports us to set boundaries and act with appropriate assertiveness. Unhealthy anger is a secondary emotion. A maladaptive response, often presenting as a brew of unbridled tension and/or an eruption of words and energy. For the angry client, this typically provides a release of pressure [...]

The Underbelly of Crisis: Sometimes in our lives, we are caught in an emotional web trying to discern the accuracy, or the quality of our feelings.  This is even more prevalent when we are in the middle of a crisis.  Conflict at home and in our relationships are one common example.  On a much bigger scale, the COVID-19 pandemic is another.  These can be times when people have a suite of emotions from angry, and confused too scared and sad, even for some joyful and excited. What’s not uncommon, is our ability to confidently state our emotional position during the acute part of a crisis, only to realise later [...]

For too long Men – fathers, sons and brothers – have learnt that it’s better to suppress than express.  Emotions, especially vulnerable ones, have been tightly wrapped up in our high vis shirts and deemed ‘too weak, too feminine or too sensitive’. Understandably, cultural issues have played a role in this experience.  Generations of men being absent through the impact of war and work have taken a toll.  Under-fathered boys have been taught through the rough and tumble of homes and schools that to survive you have to be tough, strong and competitive.  The old adage that ‘being vulnerable is being weak’ still pervades. It’s an interesting time for [...]

When things are hard between us in our life relationships, one obvious roadblock is damaging communication, and the need for simple, but effective tools. In my work, it is often what couples identify first as hoping to change. Although communicating well is just one of the pieces of the puzzle in building functional and healthy relationships, it can be a foundation for significant and long-lasting relationship health. Learning to communicate more effectively is a bit like paint by numbers; were using a format can be a good place to re-learn and re-organise your communicating. Usually, once couples understand the look and feel of communicating differently, they are more able to [...]

Spring has long been a literal and metaphoric season for love.  The natural rhythms of our planet are designed to emerge from winter hibernations into new growth and life across the plant and animal worlds.  It’s certainly a great time for couples, whatever stage of your relationship, to reflect and refresh, cleaning up any unhealthy habits.  This spring season, why not prioritise these two essential relationship tidy-ups.  Two Essential Tidy-ups Tip 1 Couples Contracts: Where are we Now and Next?   Rather than making considered, conscious, and regarded decisions about their relationship, couples can sometimes slide into their relationship milestones; like moving into together, having kids or purchasing a [...]

Wow, what a year!  Like many of us, I'm shuffling towards a good rest and a hopeful pause.  With the new year just 4 weeks away, I've been reflecting with a sharper quality on just how massive 2020 has been. In doing so, I'm recognising my reaction to this year has been a 'heads down bum up' thing.  Somewhat because it's been needed, but primarily because I think that's how I do hard things.  There's some solid generational wiring around stoicism and 'getting on with it' in the ol' noggin  The curious thing is in finally sticking my head to see the finish line in front of me, I'm [...]